Julia's 3rd Birthday

Pink and black ladybug cake
Celebrating with family
1st Daddy/daughter date


Before the haircut

After her first haircut
Daddy loves his little girl
Birthday morning celebration with donuts
Our precious daughter


Today is Julia's 3rd birthday! It's hard to believe. Last weekend we celebrated with my parents and brother and sister-in-law. Julia changed her mind everyday about what kind of cake she wanted. We narrowed it down to a ladybug cake and then she saw a pink and black one on the internet, so that is what she chose. This was not my cutest cake. I wasn't happy with the results but Julia liked it and that is what matters! She enjoyed getting new dresses and wanted to put them on right away. We celebrated Julia's birthday at breakfast as suppertime wouldn't work. We put some candles in a donut, sang, and she opened presents. We gave her a necklace that says "daughter" in Korean. She sees me wearing necklaces and wants to do the same! We also gave her a toy tea party set. In Korea they make rice cakes for birthdays. Honestly, they are not very good so I made Rice Krispie treats instead. Julia and I had special Mommy/daughter time. We ate at Big Boy, had ice cream and watched a movie. Since we are going to Disney I wanted to watch Cinderella with her. The movie store didn't have it, frustrating! We got Snow White instead. She liked it ok, but I forgot how many scary parts are in it- alot of fast forwarding. We were talking about princesses and I told her that she is God's special daughter, His princess. She giggled and thought that was funny.

Julia got her hair cut for the first time! Before she went Isaac told her, "Getting your hair cut hurts." Little stinker. Julia did great though and thought it was fun. She looks more grown up with the shorter hair. Nate took Julia on a Daddy/daughter date. They got dressed up and went out to a restaurant, it was very cute. Julia loves eating out, she asks to go out almost everyday. What she really wants is to get chicken nuggets and french fries from McDonalds! Julia insists on dressing herself now and gets upset if we try to help her. She also wants to pick out her own clothes. I drew the line at changing clothes in the middle of the day. Fancy Nancy books are probably her favorite right now. She is also starting to enjoy play dates with other little girls. Now that Julia is 3, she no longer goes to nursery during church. There is a special program for 3 & 4 year olds. We have had a child in nursery for 7 years now. It makes me sad that we don't have any children young enough for nursery. But, I can also appreciate this time in our life. People are still impressed with Julia's verbal skills. And she asks questions about everything. I don't think we can get thru a book or video without multiple questions! She loves learning and understanding her environment. We are so proud of Julia and love her very much. We are excited to see how she grows over this next year!

Happy Birthday, Julia!

Elmo is now a 2nd birthday tradition
Grandpa and Grandma J came to celebrate
Tim and Jenny came too
Mmm, strawberry cake
Daddy made Julia a toy box and we gave her a book that features her name
Caleb had Cowboy Day at school. He wasn't allowed to bring the gun to school. :)

I feel guilty right now. I always try to post on the day of my family's birthdays, however that did not happen this time. I apologize, Julia. I could blame it on a variety of factors; that Nate was working nights, we had church that evening, and I had strep throat and felt horrible. Anyways, we celebrated Julia's birthday last weekend with my family. We made bulgogi and had the Elmo cake. I am a pro at the Elmo cake now, I get faster every time. :) Julia blew out her candles, although Isaac got excited and blew one of them out for her. She got a pair of rainboots from Grandpa and Grandma J that she loves to wear. She got a gardening set from Grandpa and Grandma D so she is all set for spring! She also received a personalized CD from Grandpa and Grandma D. Caleb received a similar one when he was little. When the songs started playing he said, "the songs are supposed to say, Caleb!" At some point we all learn that other people have songs written about them too. :) Julia enjoyed the birthday attention and is telling people she is 3, hmm.

Julia had her 2 year old physical and she is doing great! She weighs 27 lbs and is 33 inches long which puts her in the 50th percentile for height and weight, perfectly proportioned. The doctor is still very impressed with Julia's language skills. She also got a chuckle out of my description of Julia's strong willed tendencies. The doctor was very encouraging though too.

We are so thankful to call this precious girl our daughter. I sometimes look at her and am shocked at how big she is getting. I appreciate those times she lies on my lap and sucks her thumb. Julia is such a cutie and it is fun to imagine what she will look like as an adult. She enjoys having books read to her, although she flips the pages before we can read the whole page! Julia is starting to sing songs and likes having us sing her a song before bed. She will play with Isaac now, but doesn't let him direct her play- much to Isaac's frustration. :) Julia can be a little social butterfly and brings joy to many people. We love you so much, Julia and we pray God blesses your life in many ways!

When to ask for help?

The pictures speak for themselves. Just genuine cuteness!

I know there are some other adoptive families that read my blog and I'll be curious to hear their take on this posting. Others can feel free to chime in too!

Nate and I have been asking ourselves questions about some of Julia's behaviors. It is so hard to know if her negative behaviors are a result of her age (almost 2), her gender, personality, adoption related or a mix of all of the above. There is a lot of adoption literature that explains how adopted kids will always struggle with feelings of anger/grief. Not all the time and not necessarily severe, just something adoptive parents need to have on their radar. That is great to know, but I am constantly questioning when is something adoption related and when is just your garden variety misbehaving child? :) And, the million dollar question in the adoption community, how is the child attaching to us? Does her behavior show that we need to work harder on attachment?

I should probably explain some of the behaviors she is having to give some perspective. We taught her to say, "stop," for when the boys are bugging her. However, she has morphed it into a very imperious sounding, "Stop It!," which she uses with Nate and I all the time. We are reminding her to say, "stop, please," so she can get her point across in a polite manner. The part that concerns me is that when Nate or I try to hug/tickle/hold her she pushes away and says, "stop it or (maybe) stop please." I am torn in these situations. I want to acknowledge that she asked in a nice way, but it also isn't good that she only takes affection on her terms, right? If she asks to be held it is ok, but not if we initiate. She doesn't reject our initiated affection all the time, just enough to make me worry. Again, is this just a normal age/personality issue or something we need to address? She also goes through really angry phases and where she does the exact opposite of what I ask. Actually, the doing the exact opposite thing is almost all the time. :) I was asking my Mom, "Is this what a mother/daughter relationship is like until they grow up?!" :) Ugh, I can drive myself crazy analyzing all of this stuff.

I did talk to our adoption worker and she suggested re-reading the Connected Child. She also said I may just need to remember Julia's age. Which is true, because she is so verbal and the third (fourth) child we tend to expect more I think. Our adoption worker also suggested meeting with an adoption therapist who could give us some perspective and new parenting tips. I seriously considered meeting with a therapist until I learned the cost. It would be $150 for the initial assessment and then $1oo for each 1 hour session. And, they can't tell you up front how many sessions you'll need. Ouch! So, for now, we'll do some reading and talk with other parents. I am also trying to just ignore the negative behaviors and not give her a reaction. I think that is what she is really trying for, some kind of reaction from me. Honestly though it takes serious prayer to not give a reaction all day. We are also doing time-outs on our lap. Any other suggestions? If things really do not improve or we're super stressed, we will talk to a therapist. I'm not against seeing a therapist, just want to make sure we really need it. ;)

I do want you to know that Julia brings so much joy to our family and we wouldn't change a thing! She is so smart and very verbal. She greets everyone with an enthusiastic, "Hi (insert name)!" I love getting her up from sleeping, she is so cheerful. I can not say my other children have been like that! Julia also enjoys helping. We have the boys take turns clearing the supper table and Julia insists on helping too. She is a social little girl and doesn't mind sharing her cuteness. I love the little happy dance/run she does and her smile is infectious. We love our precious Julia!

Finalized!

Our family
The newest American- I love the dress I found for her!
Caleb got to bang the gavel to say that Julia is officially his sister
Looking at the adoption order
My amazing sister
Judge Willis, my parents, us, Lisa Klamer (with Hannah and Heidi), the best social worker- Mary
My fabulous Mom
My wonderful Dad

Julia's adoption was finalized yesterday! It was a great day. We could tell God was working behind the scenes. :) The judge told us he adopted a daughter from Korea 20 years ago. So it was neat to hear his story. He had read through our home study so he knew we were Christians and he shared a verse with us. It was Matthew 18:5- "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name, welcomes me." We were very touched by that. The judge asked a couple of times if Julia may want a sister someday to even things out. :) He also said there are alot of kids needing families. I told him we are well aware of the need and I don't think God is done growing our family yet. :) But, we all realize that right now our family composition is good and we want to celebrate that! Our social worker and Nate said a few words about the adoption process and how Julia fits perfectly in our family. I told the judge I couldn't say anything without crying, which he understood. The judge let Caleb bang the gavel. Caleb put a little too much force into it and a splinter of wood went flying. :)

It is hard to believe that the adoption process is now complete. We still have to get her social security card, passport and Certificate of Citizenship, but all of the official requirements are met. It is a good feeling to know that she is ours and no one can take her away! I found myself looking at Julia a little differently today- she is completely my daughter and we are her family, for better or worse. :) I also thought about the celebration that occurs in heaven when we say, "Yes!" to Jesus and we are adopted into God's family. God is good and we all have an adoption story. We want to thank everyone who came to the hearing yesterday and those of you who celebrated with us in spirit! We value all of your support and love you all very much!

Julia's 1st Birthday

Our beautiful girl
Daddy loves his girl
Butterfly cake

Not so sure about the hat
Julia loved the cake!
Celebrating on her actual birthday

Julia is 1 year old today! We are so grateful to be celebrating this milestone with our daughter. These past 3 months have been joy-filled. Everyone comments on how well she has adjusted to our family and I think it really is amazing. It is like she has always been here. She is happy and healthy. I think she is going to be talking earlier than our boys did. She says mama, dada, bye-bye and is close to saying please, bottle and hi. This week she has started pretending she is talking on the phone. She'll put her hand up to her ear and babble, very cute. She is also walking behind the push toys now and she is SO proud of herself. We're still working on her understanding of the word "no." She laughs and continues on with what she was doing when we tell her no, little stinker. :) She still likes to "clean" our floors by finding specks and trying to eat them and she is very curious these days.

This past Saturday we had a birthday party for Julia. We had some family and friends over and our house was crazy! There were alot of boys running around as our basement isn't usable right now because Nate is drywalling. But, everyone had a good time. We dressed Julia up in her hanbok, which is a traditional Korean outfit worn on birthdays and special holidays. We then did a doljabi table which is a Korean first birthday tradition. We put Julia in front of a table with different items on it. A pencil (scholar), string (long life), microphone (entertainer), ball (sports), hammer (builder/architect), stethoscope (doctor), and I put a Bible for missionary. :) Whichever item the child picks will be their future career. Julia went right for the pencil. I knew she was smart. :) We served a traditional American feast of pizza and cake! Julia loved the cake. She was eating it as fast as she could. Thank you to all of our friends and family who celebrated with us!

Today we celebrated her birthday with my Mom here. I was gone all day so my Mom made a nice pot roast dinner. For birthdays in Korea they make rice cakes. That wasn't happening so I copied someone else's idea of making rice krispie treats instead. Of course, the boys enjoyed helping Julia open and play with her presents.

Today I took Isaac to a pediatric allergist. He's been complaining alot about his stomach hurting and I felt like we were missing something with his food allergies. And I didn't feel like I completely understand food allergies and what he should be avoiding, etc. The visit was very informative. He had the allergy skin test done and he is allergic to milk, wheat, and apples. He is also allergic to dust mites and dogs. The wheat allergy really threw me for a loop. He has always eaten wheat products. But, the Dr. recommended completely removing milk and wheat products from his diet for a couple weeks to see if he stops complaining about his stomach. I can then reintroduce wheat and see what happens. She said the wheat might have been a false positive, I hope that is true! The milk products have to be completely removed though. He is strongly allergic to them and she prescribed an epi pen for him. There is still a chance he could outgrow the milk allergy, that would be wonderful! The Dr. was really helpful in understanding Isaac's asthma/lung issues. He gets a horrible cough with every cold and he throws up multiple times during a cold because he is coughing so hard. She prescribed a different inhaler he can use during his colds that should cut down on his coughing, thank you! So I left the appt with mixed emotions. I have a better understanding of what my child needs, but that also discouraged me. We are going to be one of those families that other people don't understand. Yes, you have to be careful around our kid and not give him "normal" foods. Yes, we're going to be bringing our own food to events. I'm trying hard not to feel sorry for myself, because he doesn't have a terminal illness or cancer, just special dietary needs. I would appreciate prayers over the next couple of weeks as I try to serve foods that are dairy and wheat free, oh boy.

Julia update

I don't always do a great job of writing things down about the kids' growth and changes. When filling out babybooks, etc I often go back to the blog for information. :) So, sorry if you don't find this overly interesting!

Julia just keeps growing! I'm curious to see how much she has grown at her 1 year check-up. (Her birthday is March 9.) She stands alone for a couple seconds and walks pretty well when we walk with her. She seems to understand the words "no" and "come here." We love the faces she makes at us. I also love how she shakes her whole body in excitement when we come to pick her up. She still enjoys most food. She is my first child that loves to eat green beans! I also wonder if she is starting to wean herself from the bottle. She is less interested in drinking the bottle and we hate to waste formula- it's expensive! I gave her milk the other day in a sippy cup. She drank some sips and made funny faces. She didn't drink much of it, but she didn't seem to hate it. I'm so nervous she is going to have a food allergy. I pray about it alot and ask God that if she does have an allergy, can it be the same as Isaac's?? I bought a new (used) baby carrier for Julia and I don't use it as much as I thought I would- which is good. She's happy just crawling around. I usually use the carrier during the hour before supper. And all of the Moms reading this just smiled in understanding. :) I wish she would be done with this phase of cleaning my floors! If there is a speck, she will find it and eat it. Yuck. We don't hear her grieving much anymore. If she is feeling sick and really upset she will cry, "Umma." We love listening to her baby babbles and watching her grow everyday!

Isaac had some funny sayings the other day. I was driving in the car with Isaac and he was talking about the garbage truck. I thought I was making the appropriate sounds to show I was listening until Isaac yelled, "Talk! Mommy, talk to me!" Ok, I got the message. :) We then went to a friend's house. They have a dog that had spilled dog food over the floor. Isaac said, "Doggy made a mess. Doggy go in time-out." So cute.

So pretty

Look at my pretty bow!
Now I want the bow off!

I received this headband as a gift from a relative and I had to see how it looked. She looks pretty cute! Although she takes it off as soon as I put it on. :)

Nate is feeling much better. He had the final stuff taken out of his nose today. I haven't noticed any snoring yet! I think the Dr. said it takes about a month before the swelling goes down and we'll know for sure if the snoring is gone. Thanks for all of the prayers!

Ouch

Caleb's sledding injury
Julia in her favorite spot, my lap!
She sucks her thumb when she's tired or stressed


Nate took the boys sledding today and Caleb left with a nice souvenir. They had a great time until Caleb collided with another boy and Caleb's face got the worst of it. We're telling him that his injury looks tough. :) We planned on taking a picture of the kids this week for our Christmas cards, that's not happening. We will be sending out New Year's cards instead!

Nate returns to work tomorrow, so sad. I am thankful he had these past few weeks off though!

The first week

Julia's foster brother played the piano, she seems to enjoy it when Nate plays
Isaac did ask me to put Julia in the basket with him, even though his expression doesn't show it!
She has this stunned expression in most of our pictures so far
Here's the happy girl!

Julia has been home for over a week now! The first week went WAY better than we expected. She is a great eater and hasn't refused anything yet. She is also consistently sleeping thru the night. She is slowly warming up to Nate. She will go to him without screaming, but if I'm in the room she makes it clear she wants me. I'm not sure how this second week will turn out. This past weekend we went to Chicago to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday. Julia came down with a fever during the weekend and did not feel good. It didn't help that she was also surrounded by tons of new people and slept in a different bed. It was a stressful weekend for her. I'm glad we were able to celebrate with my Grandma, but I was also glad to get back home. :) Her fever seems to have gone down today, but she has been very clingy with me again. The book I've been reading about parenting internationally adopted kids talk about how attachment goes in waves, so I won't be surprised if she needs more attention again. The book is very informative about what adopted kids need from parents, etc. and I'm learning alot. I am very thankful Nate is off still. He goes back to work on Christmas Eve. It's a little disappointing he has to work thru the holidays, but I am so grateful he was off during Julia's first weeks home!

We've been blessed with friends making meals for us and coming to visit and meet Julia. My parents and siblings will come to our house for Christmas Day, which will be fun. We're excited to celebrate Julia's first Christmas! I pray you all have a wonderful Christmas celebrating our Savior's birth!

Korea

This felt like a familiar scene! Happy to be home with my kiddos!

Our first night together with Julia.

This is Julia's foster mom. She provided a great home for Julia and we
are very thankful for her and her family.

The Korean National Folk Museum. We learned much about Korea's history here.

Part of a dance/percussion group we saw. The show highlighted traditional
Korean dance, percussion, and instruments. It was much better than we
originally expected and very entertaining.

This little cafe had the best hot chocolate I've had in a long time!
A statue in the Folk Museum Village. We just thought it looked a little funny.
Visiting Julia during her pre-flight physical at Holt.

One of the highlights of our trip was our visit to the DMZ. That is a North Korean building in the background. It was hard to envision living under the constant threat of war.

The American soldier upfront was giving the tour. You can see the Korean soldiers in the background facing N. Korea. In between the blue buildings you can see a cement line- don't cross that line! Unfortunately we couldn't go in the blue buildings. Supposedly inside the building there is a line marking the separation between the two countries. They use the buildings for negotiations.

We had a wonderful trip to South Korea! We experienced some jet lag for a couple nights where we woke up around 1-3 am and couldn't fall back asleep. South Korea is 14 hours ahead of eastern time. On Monday we walked around a local shopping district and ate lunch at a local restaurant. We then met Julia in the afternoon! She was with her foster Mom, who is a wonderful lady. Julia was her 10th foster child and also her last. The family is moving out of Seoul now that their sons are all grown. Julia let me hold her for a minute, then started crying. The foster Mom held her for the rest of the visit, but Julia would interact with us. It was so amazing to finally meet Julia. Later that night we went to the Seoul Tower, which has an impressive view of the city. We ate a burger there for supper, but it didn't taste quite right. :)

On Tuesday we had our DMZ tour which I talked about in a previous post.

On Wednesday we went back to Holt for Julia's pre-flight physical. She fussed a little when she saw us walk in. The Dr. gave her a clean bill of health and said in English, "She is a cute, fine baby." We agree! That afternoon we took a Seoul City Bus Tour and got off at a different areas of Seoul. We ate at a "traditional Korean" restaurant for lunch. We ended up with a potato pancake and soup with fat noodles in it. The food was ok. They really like "kimchi" in Korea which is fermented cabbage that is spicy and served cold. Personally, we are not fans. :) Also, if you order "cider" in Korea, it's Sprite. Something must have gotten lost in translation along the way. :) That night we went to a traditional Korean folk musical. It was really excellent. The percussion group was entertaining and the costumes were beautiful.

On Thursday we toured a local palace, not far from our hotel. (By the way, our hotel was fabulous. We really appreciated that they served American style breakfast!) The palace grounds are huge and the buildings are beautiful. They still have a bit of renovating to do on them though. The Koreans have not had an easy history, between Japan ruling them for a long time, WW II and the Korean War- all took their toll on the historical landmarks. We also walked thru the National Folk Museum. We learned alot about Korean history and how they lived over the centuries. We also learned that Korean farmers used to use wooden shoes during rainy periods. A little Dutch-Korean connection there! ;)

That afternoon we went to pick up Julia, we were each very nervous. The transition itself went so smoothly- thank you for all of your prayers! It was a very hard separation for the foster Mom. The foster Mom had pictures of us and she had taught Julia how to say "Mom." So when Julia was riding back to the hotel with us she kept looking at me and saying, "Mom, mom, mom." She then fell asleep against my chest. Such a sweet, wonderful moment. We ate supper with Julia in our hotel room and she was happy eating some of our food and looking around. Putting her to bed was rough. In Korea, babies sleep with the family on a mattress on the floor. Eventually I put her in our bed and she collapsed from exhaustion. Then our alarm clock went off for some reason at 9:30 pm and she woke up screaming. Ouch. It took awhile to get her asleep again. I did not sleep well that night with her in bed with me. I was so worried that she would roll off the bed or something.

On Friday we then went to the airport to make our trip home. It was a long, stressful day. Julia did ok considering the circumstances. She didn't sleep alot on the plane and she cried often. The flight attendants walked her a couple times and some older Korean women near us tried to console her as well. At first I felt like a bad Mom giving her to other people. But, eventually I realized this was going to be a LONG day and I should just accept the help. We arrived in Chicago on Friday morning, yep, we saw the Friday sunrise twice. :) It was so good to see our boys again and they were excited to meet Julia!

Since arriving home we have been adjusting. I think Julia's internal clock is still operating on Korean time, so it will take a little while to adjust her sleep schedule. She latched on to me right away and screamed whenever Nate or someone else tried to hold her. She is getting better with Nate, but still prefers me if I'm in the same room. We are starting to see more of her happy, playful side. It reminds me that even though things are rough right now, eventually she will be fully adjusted and happy here. Thank you to all of you for your support and prayers on this journey. God is so good and we are so blessed to have Julia! We appreciate your continued prayers too!